Sunday, July 17, 2011
Warning: This is a pretentious, self examining, angsty post that is not what I usually try to write. I have been blogally absent for a long time and have been terrible at keeping in touch, and I felt like I need a good transition post to explain what has been going on for the past several weeks before I go back to writing about life as a teacher in Korea, and things like poop, elevators, and kimchi . You have been warned.
"What I've written here is a message to myself. I toss it into the air like a boomerang. It slices through the dark, lays the little soul of some poor kangaroo out cold, and finally comes back to me. But the boomerang that returns is not the same one I threw. Boomerang, boomerang." -Sputnik Sweetheart, Haruki Murakami
This is a really deep quote, which I would like to think I sort of understand. I will now take the opportunity to twist, bend and stretch it into an introduction for my first blog post in over a month, a theme which will attempt to explain my life, mindset, and absence, since arriving in Korea in early June.
Through several long minutes of self reflection before writing this post, I came to the realization that since my graduation from Emerson in 2009, I have been throwing out life boomerangs in a never ending experiment to discover just who the hell I am, and where it is in this world that I belong.
I came back from Korea and thought I could easily return to the life that I left in Boston. I quickly discovered that the self boomerang I had thrown when I left for Korea (god this is getting deep) was not the same boomerang that came back, and I found that I didn't know how to approach life in a new way in a once familiar city that no longer felt like home. This is when I began the process of making the decision that ultimately brought me back to Korea. Was this the right decision to make? Was I living life under the same mindset that brought me back to Boston, returning to what is comfortable and not accepting change? When I got back to Korea, though it was amazing catching up with friends, eating the food I have missed so much, and creating bonds with new students, I was really scared to realize that in the 6 short months since I had left, my boomerang had once again changed. I really felt that I had made a horrible decision to come back for another year as Peter Teacher, but unlike my non-committal return tour around Boston, I am contractually obligated to stay here for a full year. This terrified me in my first few weeks, and I haven't really been keeping in touch with anyone because I didn't want to have to explain what I was thinking. Perhaps feeling comfortable enough now to examine the situation and angistly convey it to my readers (mom) is a good sign that things are looking up.
I am still not 100% convinced that coming back was the right decision, but have discovered a new found comfort in understanding that there is no right and wrong decision. Part of life is gaining an understanding that your boomerang is going to change, and that lack of comfort I have found in my my return to Korea is what is going to inspire change in another direction. This year I hope to use this change and my new perspective to create an even more rewarding experience than in Korea Round I.
Now that all of this angst and self pity is out of the way... expect a new post very soon. I have missed posting and am looking forward to sharing stories of weddings amongst 5 year olds, monsoon season, and dog meat. Until next time,