Monday, February 22, 2010

The Very Very Very Very Very Very Brutally Fun Story of Arthur the Spaceman

Once again... it is time for more corrections.

Correction #1I think I am very health But many people sick and died. And I will protect from disease. This book show people can see listen tell feel. So very trivial. Colored people pupil is different to yellow race pupil. And caucasion pupil is different to yellow race pupil. But I won't be race distinction. But many people race distinction. So I can't understand that people. If I take care my children, I didn't teach about race distinction to they, because I not teacher.
My Comment: Tim, this is much better than your last homework and you were very creative. You should never use the words 'colored people' or 'yellow race' in reference to a race of people. This is offensive and many people will be very angry. You should also never start a sentence with the word 'and'.

Correction #2
Arthur is not D.W. right Arthur. This story is on television but now book. His friends are animal buit Arthur is not man and not animal... <--- a space man, I think. It's story... Arthur is looks like many the Simpsons. Arthur is then like make and good make. His sister D.W. is somethings but this what? I don't know.

Correction #3
I don't believe ghosts. This book appear ghost. There is little green bottle story. Kate is bully. She like harass to joe Because joe is so small. Suddenly Kate is die. When Kate die feel happy. Because kate harassed to Joe. And Kate became a ghost. And she said scare storytohim. One day joe said become big to Kate. And became small and he put it in the bottle. And throw river. This story is very brutality and fun.

Correction #4
I read the Ali Baba and the 40 Thieves. It began Ali Baba poor man talk listen cave going. Forty thieves order My story was very fun. in the beginning Ali Baba money take get out. Later 40 theives discover Ali Baba Jar buy jar in the 40 Thieves at last 40 theives take in the end Ali Baba marry and rich become. I later baby grow grow grow become rich wish.

Correction #5
herculs is very very very very very very very strong and herculs is very very very very very very very brave. Herculs is ride in the pegasus and neighboring country princess herculs is maze in the minotaur kill, and herculs is maze in the very very very very very very very big lizard and very very very very very very very fast lizard kill. People is herculs called hero. herculs is inside valley hydra kill. Lucifer is kill hercules and gets many money. necklace ruby sapphire is give neighbor country.
My Comment: Jack. You wrote 90 words. 28 of them were 'very'. This means that over 30% of your essay is the word 'very'. This is not ok. This was supposed to be 150 words. Not only did you not write 150 words, but you wrote the same word over and over again. Teacher is not stupid. You can't do this again.

2 comments:

  1. Peter, do you often see this sort of thing? I'm impressed with the "very" count.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Oh no! I begin so many sentences with an And. And, apparently end them that way, too.

    ReplyDelete